camden

This is Camden.

I love this sweet boy of mine. He has the kindest heart.

Last night he climbed in my bed at 2:00am because he had a bad dream. He was sobbing because he had dreamt that Charlie died. He asked if he could he please just sleep in my bed? Of course I let him.

This breaks my heart for so many reasons. I mean, what kind of seven year old has dreams about their baby brother dying?

One whose baby sister really did die, and his uncle, and his nana, all within one terrible year of one another, that's who. This sensitive boy has witnessed too much death and it has definitely affected his heart.

Tonight he was getting ready for bed and started crying again because he was worried he was going to have the same dream. I told him that people usually don't have the same dream again, and that Charlie is fine. But really I just want to snuggle him til he falls asleep.

When Charlie was a little baby he had a slight temperature, nothing worrisome, but Camden immediately thought that that meant he was going to die. It sounds morbid, but that's all Camden knew. His baby sister had died just a year earlier. He didn't know that babies got sick and didn't die.

So tonight when I was tucking him in he told me that he misses Mina. He does this probably once a month or so, just cries for his lost sister. He asked how old she would be now. He said he wished that she didn't die because Charlie would really have so much fun with her. He said he didn't even ever get to hold her very much. Just once.

We talked about how we could be happy for Mina, because in heaven nobody is ever sick, or sad, and he said he thought maybe Uncle Pete was playing with her like he used to play with him. I said I bet that was just exactly right.